Learning to Love your self
Over the 15 years I have been modeling I have become very aware of the people who seem to take great pleasure in putting others down and making them feel bad.
Often these are people that don’t know the other person other than the fact they dare to share some photos online and try to feel confident with how they look. It can be quite nerve wracking and brave to put a photo up online for all to see and scrutinise.
It has become quite common place for many on social media to partake in body shaming of women who don’t measure up to that individuals idea of beauty.
The fact that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes has long since been discarded.
I am always baffled why these haters feel the need to post hatred and mock rather than simply move along ( the more mature thing to do ) when they see something they don’t like.
In fact I would go as far as to say it feels like a huge waste of energy to make someone feel small, just to make themselves feel better.
Since I began modeling I have had haters call me ugly and fat more times than I can count.
Eventually you learn to shrug it off, especially when you have the realisation ‘Why should I care what this person whom I don’t know or who’s opinion I don’t respect thinks of me? Because I don’t think much of them either’ but this is me at 30yrs plus and 2 dress sizes larger than the 20yr old me.
In my late teens/early 20s I was consumed with the idea I wasn’t thin enough. I would buy and read women’s magazines and compare myself. Buying into the message that you had to look a certain way to be viewed as beautiful or to find love, turn the page and the product to cure the problem was always there…
At 20 years old I weighed 8 stone exactly and was a size 8 but I still thought I wasn’t thin enough, I thought I was fat! I was so thin my collar bones and hip bones stuck out and my arms look liked they belonged on a matchstick man. I am naturally big boned so it looked awkward. I didn’t see it at the time, I only see it now in hindsight.
I was living in flat back then that had this huge iron bath. When I laid in it on my tummy you could hear the clank of my hip bones hitting the base but my tummy didn’t touch the bottom.
Still I would hop on and off the scales countless times a day obsessing over my weight, desperate to drop in numbers.
I was way below my healthy weight, I had no boobs and I was constantly starving.
I drank copious amounts of coffee for energy because I had none and all I ate was a high fibre breakfast every other day. This is not a healthy and happy way to live, and I would not recommend it.
I have added one of my first ever modeling shoots above so you can see for yourself.
These days I care less about my weight, naturally I have a tantrum when an item of clothing I love doesn’t quite fit and I’ll moan I need to go on a diet but overall I am quite happy with my self and Proud of my bosom and hourglass figure.
I love my food and I’ll never starve myself again trying to fit into an ideal that really isn’t for me.
I confess right now I do need to get in shape and get fit. Exercise more and stop putting it off, I do struggle with this though.
Beauty and sexiness isn’t just one look or one size, infact it’s a state of mind and thank God for that. Beauty has to come from within
Love yourself for who you are and never try to be something you’re not just to please other people because you never will and you’ll make yourself unhappy and even ill trying to.
Early photos were taken when I was 18 and the nudes at 20 years old.
The Plum Boudoir photos were taken this year in March by Alan Dryer